Mind Your Own Business
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.
One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble.
One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek.
Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred.
Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.
Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Playing a game,” the boy replied.
“What is your name?” the officer questioned.
“Mind Your Own Business.”
Furious the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!”
The boy replied, “Why, yes.”
A Silent Fart
An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband,
“I just let out a long, silent fart.
What should I do?”
The husband replies,
“First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!”
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.
The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget.
They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream.
“You might want to write it down,” she said.
The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.”
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.
“Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.”
Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
“Write it down,” she told her husband and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”
So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes.
He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon.
The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks,
“Where’s the toast?”
Call when it is safe for me to come home
A father passing by his son’s bedroom,
was astonished to see the bed was nicely made,
and everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice,
but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos,
tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion,
Dad, She’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.
We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I’m over at Jason’s house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!